Chance

I see the stars and the moon bright,

I walk a step ahead and feel the light.

With a mouthful of sky, to walk the extra mile I desire,

With a mindful of dreams, for the rainbow I aspire.

I move oblivious of the darkness around,

My heart has beliefs abound.

The point I see twinkling afar,

Guides me as the far North Star.

Life seems to be panting heavily,

Vision seems to be shaken thoroughly.

Like a fallen angel, I tell myself I shall rule on the ground fallen,

The darkness around seeps in, making every step heavier than the previous.

To the soul butchered, I say- wake up,

To the soul thrashed, I say- dream on,

To the heart slaughtered, I say – live on,

To the life rescued, I say – Believe on.

The new light I see,

The new path is set.

With the craving to see it again,

With the belief resurrected, I give myself yet another chance,

Chance to see the color yellow again,

Chance to define beauty again.

Chance to light it up again.

               

Not without a woman!

I hold your hand,

And take you towards sunshine.

I hold your hand,

Till you can see the daylight.

I understand the lines on your forehand,

I understand what your heart and mind speaks.

I open the door,

When you are standing out tired and broken.

I understand when you are shattered.

I understand that life is not a fairy tale all the time.

I search for you, the reason to live,

I try to make you see the rainbow behind the clouds,

I try to define life,

When you seem to have lost on it.

I try to walk the extra mile for you,

When you give up on going further.

I am what it takes to be a woman,

I am what it takes to be the reason behind strength.

I am what it takes to stand blow after blow.

I am what it takes to be a phoenix.

Because I am an exception,

I am exceptionally a Woman.

I am here to walk with you

I am here to walk with you,

Miles till you know, where to go.

I will hold your hands if you are blind fold,

Miles, till you know where to go

Through the dark nights,

I will take you ahead.

Through the tempest,

I will not let you go weak.

When you forget to smile,

I will give you all reasons to laugh.

When you forget to live,

I will get you all the desires for a second life.

I am here to walk with you,

Miles, till you know where to go.

When the stars are dim and the Moon low,

I will take you to the galaxy where the Sun never sleeps.

When you think you’ve had enough,

I will make you feel that you have just begun.

I am here to walk with you,

Miles, till you know where to go.

I am the dreams which you see.

I am the thoughts which you have when lonely.

I am the heart which beats at every thing.

I am the you, which you can’t see,

I am the you, which you can’t hear.

I am the one, who will pull you out,

When you are in shear darkness,

Cause I promise,

I am here to walk with you,

Miles, till you know where to go.

I Choose to Shine

Life comes with surprises which are pleasant at times and which are devastating at other times. We can choose the extent to which we want to be affected. We can choose to sit and think that how to walk ahead in the stormy night, or we can choose to follow the light of the moon to make our way through. It is based on today, how we live and fight situations, that tomorrow we can deal with similar ones in a much better way! The strength lies within us, we just need to realize it. We are the creators of our own destinies. It’s in our hands. So lets paint it with the best possible hues !

The ground trembles where I stand,

The mind fumbles seeing the unknown land,

Till my sight goes, I see only mist,

With possibilities and dreams, tightly I hold my fist!

Every night has its brightest star they say!

The flying bird whispers into my ear- Look carefully,

The blooming flower peeps into my mind to say – Think carefully!

I take a step and move towards the crossroad,

There’s nothing to lose I tell myself,

There’s nothing to gain, I re-assure myself.

Every night has its brightest star they say!

I stand at the thresh of the height,

I stretch out my hands with the desire to fly,

I take a deep breadth to plunge into the ocean of my dreams.

Every night has its brightest star they say!

With the panting heart,

With the tired hands,

I try to reach for the silver lining in the cloud;

With the time dripping,

With the sand flowing’

I try to reach the silver lining they had set.

Every night has its brightest star they say!

I gather myself and look around,

I close my eyes and have the vision of the brightest star,

The mirror of my mind told me, the star is You – whose brightness you decide,

To shine through your life or lay dim by the side!

To twinkle your way through,

Or stay un-noticed amidst the crew.

Every night has its brightest star they said,

By the night I shine bright, now I say!

Dead or Alive

I close my eyes, you are there,

You come closer and whisper:

Hold my hands tight and come along,

I held it and walked.

I held your arm tightly cause I knew,

I shall open my eyes soon.

You said-“Walk with me”

Place not known,

Destiny unseen,

But I knew, this is our last walk together.

Fragments of smiles flash everywhere,

Was I glad or sad, I do not remember,

Drops of tears, vanish into the ethereal,

You take my face in your hand and say- “Live it.”

With unspoken words

I tell, I shall live every day with you.

With you here, there, everywhere.

You leave my hand and smile.

I see you going,

I call out

You smile.

For long I stood and thought

It’s me living or dead

Today I close my eyes again,

To walk with you for the last time,

I see you again, walking up to me,

I ask myself,

Am I alive or dead?

Stand up and Live

I was lying all crippled and low,

Vision unclear,

Voice unheard.

I called to my friend- no answer,

I called to my guide- no answer.

Dying every moment,

Suffering every moment.

Black and death was all that I saw.

Blood and death was all that I saw.

Taking my last few breadths,

I tried to open my eyes ones again.

Nothing could I see.

Black and black was all that I saw.

I opened my mouth with the last trial.

I gasped for air and it fell.

The desire to be up was not there.

Nothing could I think of for which I should breathe again.

I heard a faint voice from somewhere.

Whose- unknown.

It said- This is the last time you are living

Or dying.

Merciful had God been to give you this life-

So said the voice.

And you looking for help, for a reason to live-

So said the voice.

A drop of water fell on my forehead,

My eyes now struggling.

A drop of water on my eyes,

I could hear my voice.

It tried to tell me-

To get up and live.

There’s none to hold my hands to take me further.

I have to decide whether to give in and die,

Or live it the warrior way.

With vision getting clearer,

With colors changing to blue and green,

I could hear my voice,

I could hear the birds sing and the water fall.

The voice- unknown,

Still there told me to walk the hundred miles.

I stood, with the mind stronger,

And the vision clearer.

I started walking.

Now the mind stronger, the vision clearer and the voice known.

It was the inner voice,

Which had laid unheard, unsung and un-noticed.

The expectations from life had stabbed the voice,

Stabbed the voice to half-death!

It shrieked and screamed,

Unheard and un-noticed,

It laid there.

The last try it had given,

The dying mind, noticed it.

Here stands the mind now,

All determined to run the road ahead.

Determined it stands.

Better it stands.

There’s nothing to lose,

There’s nothing to fear.

I will live the way it comes,

I will live it the way it goes.

If the world ends today

We live with eyes blind-fold,

We live by the day with stories untold.

We know not where we are going,

We care not where vision is heading.

With warm light of the sun on my face,

With the feet in sand, the path I trace.

With love in heart, I look ahead,

With belief deep inside, I let trust not fade.  

I remember the days sitting by the window,

Thoughts a plenty and moments which made me grow.

I wanted a brush to paint the world with my colors,

Draw the smiles and make every face look like flowers.

If I knew the world ends today,

There will be a new story for which I pray.

Beginnings meet their ends,

Creation and destruction are supposed to be friends.

If I stop to think,

I would remember everything precious without a blink.

If the whole lot goes underwater,

I would be happy that we lived it all in unison like forever.

Is there something called true love?

Yes. I agree am an extremely romantic person. Literature didn’t teach me romanticism for sure. The zig zag pattern of my brain gave way to accommodate thoughts and ideas which seemed frenzy for others around. Those moments have been in plenty. For me staring into the big black sky with sparkling stars adorning it was romance. For me collecting poppies from the garden was romance. For me stealing pickle from blocked jars was romance. For me hiding away from Mom to go up to the terrace to run around under rain water was romance. You might think I see it through tainted glass. I see it through a mind which stands naked and untamed. I don’t have to look back and explain why my thinking pattern has a particular lineage. For me true love is sincerity. For me true love is passion. For me true love is what you feel when nothing worries you and you smile without being provoked to.

It cannot be mid-way. You truly love or you don’t. Your conscience will not reoccur and ask you to think again, because your heart would know- it’s here to stay! It grows from time to time. It is unconditional and knows no clause. If you know you like the broken frame hanging on your wall, no one can show you ways to get a better one up there.

True love is what you see when you close your eyes just before going off to sleep. You wake up with the thought the next morning. Memories give you a rush down your veins.

You will say it is fantasy, I will say it is hope. True love is when the heart and mind intertwines in symphony and beauty. It may not be perfect, cause state of perfection doesn’t exist but only the word does. But it surely is the thought and marvel that creates comfort for existence to be in harmony.

The shortcomings can be welcomed with opened arms, imperfections seem wonderful, and all the time spent together seems minimal. Even if not together, you wish for the best, you pray for the best and the person seems to be the best. You create music by just thinking about togetherness, you create waves by just thinking about the smile, you create beauty by thinking about all the moments captured.

It is what you never understood. It is what you never thought would strike you. It takes you off-guard. It makes you question your ideas and feelings. You float, you flap your wings to look for answers and then you are left spellbound in the canvas of your love images.

It is Beautiful

How many times in day or a year, we have the time to think that life indeed is beautiful. We are most of the time surviving with the feeling that life is grilling us and at other times we keep questioning, “why me?” Most of the time we forget that no one can be responsible for the state in which we are in or in which we can be. So why find out reasons, why strain our minds to come up with justifications for things going wrong. One life, why not live it the way it comes? Why not bear the consequences of every action of ours, gracefully? Why should we be escapists and blame it on nature, on luck and the surroundings? God hadn’t made the world that nasty! Why give it a depressing and negative perspective? It is in-fact beautiful, if we want to keep it beautiful. It has to start with us; rather it has to start with me.

At the window I stand,

I see the dewdrops on the leaf,

The Sun soft,

The thought that comes: “I want to live”

I stretch my hand,

I touch the clouds.

I stretch my hand,

I fetch the dewdrops.

I open my eyes,

Here I am

At the clouds I realized,

It is here in life, I ought to be

To make it or break it, I have to know it.

Beautiful, I say is where I live

Beautiful, I say is where you live

Dream is what we can do,

Realize it also what we can do.

Grab a spoon, taste the various flavors of life;

Colors are what we can add.

Dance out your life like nobody’s watching,

Sing like nobody’s hearing,

Live Life

That’s yours, Live everyday!!

Let's figure this out

‘Let’s figure this out’, I told my mind,

Through the mesh, the answer I had to find.

The box looked the same from every side,

To open it somehow I tried.

It seemed to be sealed forever,

It had marks and had scars severe.

I went near it with jumbled thoughts,

It was an object of the intriguing sorts.

Something seemed to be trapped inside,

To try the last time or give up I had to decide.

I kept my hand on it, I froze,

Stood there for sometime in an awkward pose.

I blew off the dust, opened the lid,

Afraid was I, if scary creatures were there hid.

There was a flash of light when the box lay open,

The light blinded me; I didn’t imagine what was to happen.

Was it God I met or met myself, I know not,

But surely knew it was neither here nor was it just a thought.

The blackness in the box was a peep into my heart,

The light coming out of it screamed at me to get a new start.

The open lid told me that life has to be set free,

The breeze commanded to fly to wherever I wanted!

Faith restored

When I thought life was all about meeting wrong people and encountering wrong situations, I was shown a placard which said- “Have Faith”! On a second thought, saying ‘wrong’ is subjective, so let me say- I was turning into a disbeliever, to be specific.

April 11, 2009- apart from it being a day to meet friends, I thought there wasn’t anything else remarkable about it. You will soon get to know how I improved as a person on this ‘just-another-day’. I returned after a Saturday get-together, to reach my bed and crash for the day- unaware of what was in store for me.

The next morning, I get a call saying that I left my wallet in the cab which we had taken the previous night. My mornings on a Sunday generally starts late, you can say almost post 12 noon. But it was 8 am in the morning and there I was wide awake, trying to touch ground with what had just struck me. My jaw dropped and I almost fell off my bed. The cabbie who identified himself as Rakesh, did some research which I thought was commendable and I was really touched. It almost sent me to an introspective self analysis after seeing the honesty, innocence and genuineness of this person.

Rakesh’s research consisted of tallying my name on the debit card with my visiting card and get my personal number by calling up the official number printed on the card. I was ashamed, overwhelmed and inspired by this man who was holding the banner high and asking me to have faith in myself, in people and the environment around me.

I borrowed money to reach to the spot to collect the “over-night star” wallet. I was running short of money, Rakesh even ended up paying the balance for the cab which I took to reach him. I was now forced to think whether I was dreaming or was I walking the road, awake. My wallet was packed like a gift with a newspaper and locked in his cab, which Rakesh smiled and handed over to me. He was shying away from my ‘thankyous’. I was in a state of being ‘awestruck’ by this real life hero. He denied taking any money. He refused to even take the balance amount which he ended up paying. He defined what I thought was an age old concept of ‘heroism’. I stood there, learning a lesson from a person whom otherwise I wouldn’t have noticed. The situation taught me. The person taught me. Good people exist. People perish, faith doesn’t.

We call it love

Have you thought how it feels when you let the first drops of rain kiss your forehead? Have you ever thought how it feels to hold a day old infant in your arms? Have you thought how is it to sit with your friend with not a word spoken? If you ask me to define love, I would never be able to do it. For me getting drenched in the rain is romance, to hold the child in my hands is care and to sit with a friend is the perfect moment. You may say love is a myth. It is all about lust and ‘getting used’ to a particular way or a person. You may say it is a binding which seems forced? You may say it is a method of convenience.

For me love is timeless. For me love is forever. You can be charmed endless times in your lifetime, but you love with all your mind and heart just ones. For me love is crossing all inhibitions and giving oneself away. There are no compulsions and pretensions. It is the sanctorum of belief and unison. 

When you walk down the memory lane, the moments which make you smile, the moments which bring tears to your eyes and make you sigh- are your experiences with love. People who don’t make you think before you speak, people who accept you the way you are, people who think you to be a hero though you see no reasons to be called so, are the people who are going to be with you eternally.

To love was never a cliché. To love was never wrong. But to love and not to know is wrong. To love and to deny is wrong. You can say that nothing is wrong when it is ‘love’ which is under question. I say, love is at its best, if your heart is in sync and world seems to be perfect. And you know it is perfect when your heart is at peace and there is nothing which threatens you. You know it is perfect when you close your eyes and what you see is what you always want to feel. Love is what just gets better everyday. When we live just ones, why not follow the heart’s directions and believe it. Love comes with no chances, it is the decision of the heart which you cherish when your feet grow old and vision goes unclear. It seems like poetry when everything around seems noise. Love becomes the reason to live, when everything around seems conspiracy and failing. And you get yet another reason, to live for someone till time unknown, till day unseen and till moment fulfilled.

The weeping eyes

At the time of dusk I look at you from the window,

With eyes so moist and hair ruffled you look at me.

With lips which don’t remember when they last smiled,

With arms which don’t remember when they didn’t have to be stretched so wide,

You look at me with questions umpteen,

You look at me with pain wrapped in silence.

I look at you and your eyes light up in hope,

I look at you and then I look straight.

I see your little palm hovering on the glass,

A significant discomfort creeps within me.

I look at you and then look within,

Trying hard to break the glass, break the helplessness.

Where you should be running behind butterflies aimlessly,

You run behind wheels fearlessly.

Where life should have intrigued you,

You seem to have seen it all.

Where bedtime stories should have made you sleep,

The sounds of vehicles and human cries lull you off.

I stretch out my hand with strength,

I can’t promise you, but I promise myself.

The voice which I have never cared to hear,

I shall hear it now.

The crippled voice tells me to perish if I have to live only for self,

You shall see the colour yellow and paint the sky purple.

It is a prayer which goes out from heart so full of mist.

The Search

I walk through the woods with eyes fixed,

The dark leaves block the view, I move ahead with all thoughts mixed!

I have been looking for something since long,

I have been trying to know where I exactly belong!

With thoughts profound,

I know the search knows no bound.

The search has begun,

Now there is no other way but to see the light of the sun!

In the darkness of the night,

I know I have to find the star bright!

The restlessness is seeping in,

The search of that something is now getting in!

I know the question I have,

Will find answer if on the vision I thrive!

The purpose of life has taken a meaning,

The quench wouldn’t rest, until the desire sees some bearing!

While walking across the brook,

I caught a glimpse of myself in which I had a frenzied look!

The bridge across the water,

Brought me to myself closer!

I have been looking for the true me,

The self that can set me free!

The mind now knows without inhibitions,

That I need to live without pretentions.

The life which screams and tells me,

Eureka! This is time to set you free!

I know it is me and not the shadow,

I have a grip over myself and know the direction to follow.

In the search, now I take a sigh and say - I found myself!

The trip documented

The sea fascinates me. Every road has a story to tell me. Every place has a secret to whisper.  When the whisper becomes a voice, I pack my bags and leave for some adventure. When the perfect monotony of life seems to discord your sense of satisfied living, you need to step out of the comfort zone.

December 16, 2011- we four ninjas- Jaya, Deepika, Nishat and Shivangi took the plunge. There are two types of travelers- planned and the unplanned. Then there is the third kind who plan and then the whole planning jumps out of the window. So the bunch of four was decided to hit the city of the sea, sand and sun (read Goa) come-what-may! My track record to get to the beach capital of India has consistently been adventurous.

After all the planning, to cancel a trip to the lazy land has never been an option. So when the train tickets did not confirm, of course we were supposed to hit the road. And here I will tell you, Sir, a curly haired, foul mouthed, mysteriously tragedy struck driver of the caravan or the rugged terrain, wouldn’t scare the ninjas. No, not us!

After hours of waiting for the curly weirdo, we finally left the “City that never sleeps” with the strike of the midnight amidst thick traffic. The long shivering night with the windows rolled down, the journey couldn’t have been any more icy cold. But what the hell, we enjoyed every bit of it. Whether curly trying to be smart with the women ninjas around or the 3 am tea at the highway corner dhaba, the journey charmed us to our toes. Ghost stories told by the caravan rider, didn’t do any good to make us comfortable in our 12 hours road-trip. Thanks to the technology of the berries, we kept each other awake and in spirits through the piercing cold and the very dark night.

The town of sea, sand, sun and alcohol (don’t mind the miss in alliteration) - is magical. The long journey did not matter, the sleepless night did not matter, and the fever I had did not matter. What mattered was the place, the people, the sea, the food, the books and yes the booze too. I will take several years to rise above the attachment to superficial things. I love my wine, I love the sea, I love the massage, the luxury of sun bathing, jazz music- sue me!

We were welcomed at our Goa home. Yes, you read it right. It felt absolutely at home in the nest of Sheldon and Maria. There were good people, better people and then with them I got to know there are selfless people too. With open arms and wide smiles, we were made to feel at our very home right from the moment we stepped into Goa- Or I should say right from the moment our Tavera set its wheels in Goa. If the stay is comfortable, everything else gets sorted. My stay in Goa hadn’t been so warm and beautiful until this trip.

After washing off the grease from the long drive, decking up for us ninjas was speedy. Mascara or the eye shadows did not make the sleep deprived eyes any heavier. The spell cast by the feni town is just too mesmerizing to notice the tired bones. Whether the crowded bus journey or the crowded Brittos, our enthusiasm was never discouraged.

Here is a small love story which happened by the beach. Ladies and gentlemen, the story of a masseur and one of Charlie’s angel (or were we calling ourselves ninjas so far?)! Never mind! While at our sun-baths, in unanimity we decided to get our tired limbs massaged. One by one all of us got our muscles fixed. But, then time stopped and universe conspired to make this masseur’s heart skip a beat when he came to massage Jaya’s legs. The almost set sun inspired our man to wear his glares while massaging our lady. He didn’t want our lady to see his lovelorn eyes! He massaged massaged and massaged, unaware of the world go by and the sun kiss the horizon. Ladies and gentlemen, here ends the shortest story of unrequited love. Our lady with the bat tattoo, don’t break hearts anymore! No, no more.

It’s a crime to be in Goa and not party. With our well massaged feet, we got into our heels to hit the dance floor. And oh boy! We danced till our every cell hurt bad. Whether Hype or Mambo, we moved like Jagger! We reached home, hit our pillows and took off to dreamland in matter of seconds I guess. At least, I did.

The following morning we kissed good bye to one of our ninjas- Deepika. She left for her country road to be with her mother. We missed her for the rest for the trip. Every fun thing saw the closure with our little disclaimer- wish Potu (read Deepika) was here! We dived into the sea, we bumped on the sea, we flew in the air, and we cruised through water at the speed of light. Every moment was splendid. It is official- I am a water baby! Go figure yours!

Goa became a democratic state 50 years back. Apart from the sea and feni, Goa is also known for its music, Portuguese connection, literature, and art. The Goa Literary Festival 2011 was one of the highest points of the trip. We all have our favourite authors- but to see them and to talk to them is a wish fulfilled. We were like kids at the candy shop seeing all our authors and literary geniuses under the same roof, umm err or was it under the same sky? The beautifully lit place, with jazz music to entertain and chilly weather, literature always makes me glad. Whether listening to “Translating Truth” by Gulzar or “History of Jazz Music in India”, glad we were every second at the International Center.

We covered every corner of Goa this time. We even reached Raj Bhavan (the state’s Chief Minister’s house) looking for our lame little Sea Pebbles restaurant. Circling around the same roads and following wrong directions, we finally reached the most beautiful place in the world (till we find the next one)- a small eating place with the sea hitting the rocks and the sound of the waves charming us with ever bites of our food. We got just the appropriate amount of energy to hit the Panjim Market road to click photos of the casinos along t he roadway. Brightly lit area, with Christmas looming large, we got the right night shots. We called it a day and one more time took seconds to reach our respective wonderlands.

December 19, 2011 we wrapped up our much famous Goa trip after a sumptuous brunch at Infantaria with pictures of semi naked men on the walls. Some closing shots at the pretty church and a few goodbye clicks at the International Center again- the two ninjas- Jaya and Shivangi hit the road again with the curly weirdo. Yes, he is still around and weirdness still exists. With Nishat taking the flight, our two Ninjas holding on to their lives, traveled in bewilderment with curly in their slowest road journey.  

It’s a short life, live it in your terms. Let’s raise a toast to the four pretty ninjas who went, who saw and who conquered. Many more such trip for the unquenchable hearts! Cheers Pretty Cheers!