Of memories and stories…

I thought that I have managed to push you back in the mind, far far away. I thought, stories of us, stories of the summers, stories of the songs, they don’t matter anymore. I thought few people leave your lives for a reason. But with you, I have always been proved wrong. With you, the universe has always conspired to prove me wrong. Just when I think, probably now the leaf is way behind in the book between the two pages, you walk up to me and ask me to wake up.

Just when the birds start singing a different tune, just when the water flowing by in the stream starts looking prettier, you, holding the seashells from the forgotten seaside, swim out with them, asking me to walk back one more time.

Time has not made me wiser. You can say, with the same face, heart, and mind, I have been making and creating newer memories. Few fulfilled wishes, and few more unfulfilled desires. The journey has been enriching. Just when I was thinking, I am ready to write new poems, new lyrics, new anecdotes, to mark a new beginning, you come galloping to either wish me luck or tell me- let’s not pretend any more. 

Let’s keep it simple

When was the last time you sat by yourself with that cup of coffee and just looked out of the window? Just looked out without thinking of yesterday, today, or tomorrow? When was the last time you stopped to pick up a flower and smell the beauty? When was the last time you smiled at yourself for what you are?

We are running all the time. We are running out of time all the time! Ok, let’s make this a little more personal. My mind is always running between, over and for things. At times it has some direction and at other times, it ducks, sprints, jumps, and swims. Most of the times, thoughts become a complex web of unhappy spiders crawling all over the place.

But on the other side I strongly and warmly believe that keeping it simple isn’t that difficult after all. How difficult is it to sing a tune you like, a little louder than usual? How tough is it telling your friend that he brightens up the day by just showing up? How painstaking is it to tell your mom that she means the world for you? We have got so used to creating complexities inside and outside our heads that we just let the best moments of our lives pass by without smiling at them. We do all the unnecessary thinking and futile brain storming and close our eyes to the best people and hearts floating around us. What adds to the agony is of course the King of Bad Times- the Ego! We let it ride us into darkness, into storms, and into confusions.

The lack of simplicity seeps into our everyday lives. We take situations and people who love us, for granted. In the whole bargain “love” suffers the most. It is questioned with complex situations and people all the time. Receiving and giving simple “love” doesn’t exist anymore. Reasons are many. We have too many people to care for us, we have too many times relied on false promises, we have too many times let others decide the right and wrong for us.

We have always made things complicated for ourselves. We are determined to see the world through tainted glasses. We are scared all the time- at times scared of our own thoughts, at times of the past, and at times scared of the unknown. We love romancing the complex. We don’t let go and embrace ourselves. In short, we don’t love ourselves too much to keep it simple. 

A Walk in Time

All of a sudden I feel I have regressed in time,

All of a sudden I feel I am here to tell the unfinished story.

They say you can't make two mud vessels look exactly the same,

They say time moves forward and it always has a plan.

Don’t we all know five, seven, and 10 years just add cobwebs to time?

Don’t we all know there is nothing like “the elixir to suppress the pores?”

Last night just before I fell asleep, I grew restless thinking of re-occurrence of events.

Last night just before I fell asleep, I had a vision.

Over the years, I have grown up to have a distanced, closed, yet a cheerful existence.

Over the years, I have been strong, weak, helpless, clueless, and happy at the same time.

Last night, till the time I remember, I think I told myself, this time breathe for yourself!

Last night, just before the winter breeze put me to sleep, I told myself, this time live it for yourself. 

Let Love In

You close your eyes on a regular night,

Your mind floats around to places known and unknown.

You try to hold on to a thought, but the thought slips away,

You try to hold on to a moment, but the moment glides away.

You open your eyes on a regular morning,

Your mind embraces you.

Then suddenly you realize, you slept and woke up with the same thought,

Then suddenly you sigh at the thought and wish it was for real!

All they had to say- the world isn’t a bed of roses,

All I have to say- the world isn’t that bad either.

Let hope take you where you want to be,

Let love in.

They never said lions never get scared,

They never said you will get hurt again only because once you did.

Let faith guide your heart,

Let love in. 

It's Summer Time Again

So the dry, warm, and hollow summers are here again.
They say the sky looks prettier during summer.
You have a feeling that you have seen this before,
You ponder if you will settle any of your chores.

You keep walking the streets, soaking in the heat,
Crunching the dry leaves under your shoes.
There is music in the air,
There is a song in your head.

The dry, warm, and hollow summers are here again.
You try hard to hold the glow on your face,
You wash your face and eyes and try to be a lover of the sun,
You glide homewards, you glide to a place where you find yourself.

You whistle a tune to yourself,
You hum the song which you wrote on a breezy night- last summer.
There is a moon in the clear skies,
There is a place beyond this one, there. 

To the world very far

Those days of running in the garden with unkempt hair,

You would call us back into the house to ward away the scorching sun.

Those days of growing up when I would pout my lips and cry to avoid school,

You would smile and hold me tight and ensure a surprise in the evening.

Those days of unresolved curiosities and questions,

You would sit holding my hand and tell me everything making me think I am wise.

Then arrived the days of summer when I would look forward to seeing you,

I would strike off days from my calendar and pray the days go by soon.

Your hugs and kisses were endless when you saw me,

Bedtime stories and specially cooked food by you became part of my vacation.

Tears were shed by the thought of saying goodbye to you at the end of every summer,

You made me smile by assuring you’d visit us soon.

Then arrived the days of distant calling,

You would be excited by my voice and would have queries galore.

I would duck questions, and tell you I would soon be there to see you.

Your bear hug, the moment I stepped inside the house, would fill my heart with love,

Your hearty questions would make me feel loved.

Then came the time when I called and your voice shook,

I wouldn’t want to believe that your body is being unable to keep pace with your age.

You were always to me this gorgeous one who could make hearts stop.

You would ask me when would I visit you next,

My answer would make you smile and made you look forward to something uncertain.

Then there was this brutal time standing at the doorway where you would look and not say anything,

I would look at you and think of all the pain you are going through.

Your unspoken glances would give me chills down my spine and hurt my eyes,

Your nods and solitary expression would make me weak each time I looked.

You have been a part of every memory of my childhood and every phase of my life,

To create fresh memories without you looks like a difficult task.

I know from up there you are looking and encircling us with hope, love, and care.

(An ode to my grandmother) 

A dairy of an ordinary girl on an ordinary Sunday!

Sunday morning 5 am: Holy shit! I think I should sleep now. Trashy "50 Shades of Grey" can wait till tomorrow. *Inner Goddess screams*- Two more pages please. C'mon!

5:30 am: Kindle reads- 75% of the book has been read. *Inner Goddess satisfied and says* get some sleep, kid.

11:30 am: While brushing my teeth I go over in my head about the book, the cupboard which has to be sorted, the saffron man who passed away, a day to myself which I gladly welcome, the promises which I have not kept. Splash! i wash them away and victoriously walk down the corridor to my room.

12:00 pm: Tea in one hand, phone in another- do I have to call anybody? Like really? Home- check. Brother- check. Granny- check.

12:30 pm: Phone beeps. Person 1- "Am so loving the house arrest." Person 2: "Oh! Death of Shiv Sena chief has brought the city to a halt." Person 3: "Can't step out, Bombay stops." A slight bit of annoyance runs through me. You say it doesn't bother you that a natural death has happened in the city, but every moment you are talking about it, sulking, being angry, and rejoicing. If it doesn't matter, then just sit back and let go.

12:35 pm: Bored and tired by the tweets, BBM status messages, and broadcasts, I wonder what should I eat to make it a not-so-sulky-day. Of course regular places from where we order- Metro cafe, Geet Bhavan are shut. So, when in doubt have an egg.

12:45 pm: I start cooking with room mate. Goan egg curry (you guessed it- my room-mate is a Goan) and rice is on the menu. Awesomeness happens and we make incredible egg curry and some out of the world plain rice :| Yes, we didn't depend on Maggie this time around.

1:15 pm: I switch on the radio to hear some Sunday afternoon music. Instead I heard that 2-3 lakhs people have gathered at Shivaji Park for the public cremation of the Big Guy. Bored again- I put on some stored music. Cooking egg curry and listening to Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana- spiced up the afternoon.

PS: The shady characters of the book are going on in my head and am loathing to get back to it.

2:00 pm- Awesome food is ready. A Sunday is perfect when you laze around, eat, and watch BBT (read: Big Bang Theory). I watch about 10 episodes back-to-back of Sheldon Cooper annoying the shit out of everybody. But boy, that is guaranteed fun.

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Suddenly 6:30 pm: I hear a vehicle outside. I rush to the balcony. I see cars making hurried drives, water tanks quickly parking themselves, taxis breezing through the streets, and Bombay crawling back to life.

7:00 pm: I scratch my head this time to figure out about food as stock doesn't look very encouraging. And then I look at the food cupboard and think- When the world fails you, Wai Wai/Maggie doesn't.

7:30 pm: Good friend returns from Diwali vacation. So food stock goes up again with gujia/gaja/petha/mathri. Bite that bitches!

yap

yap

some more yap

9:00 pm- Now I think, a glass of wine or a beer would have ended this day perfectly. Blasphemy. It is a dry day- You Nut Case! Remember I told you- I have a Goan room-mate? Wine it is. Some wine, some cup board cleaning and finally- after a tough tough day- I get back to the book!

Monday morning 2:00 am- Keeping up with the "Spirit of Bombay," I have to get back to work tomorrow, alas- I should sleep!

This is how my life was affected on Sunday- November 18. Something happened? Somebody died? Except eating Maggie for dinner and not meeting friends for a Sunday supper, nothing in my life was different. It doesn't mean I want to say more people should die, but I mean- get over it. Let's talk about Ponty Chaddha instead.